These posts are a celebration of life and the pursuit of a dream.....and big hair.
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Just once, why can’t someone OVERESTIMATE me? Just so I can know the feeling. Like that seriously annoys me. My dreams, purpose, abilities, and goals aren’t pipe dreams for eyes to be rolled at.
I’m a dreamer, but I’m ALSO a realizer of those same dreams. Passion and purpose make what I want as real as ANYTHING in this world. I don’t need coddling or downplay. I need you to recognize that my power is turning thought into reality. That scare you? Step aside.
Because when “I might” turns into “I can” that turns into “I will”; that’s the guy you can’t stop. His dream is now bigger than himself. That kind of drive scares the weak and the stupid: two cliques I never wanted to hang with anyway. #GoForIt #PassionAndPurpose
SCIENCE FICTION (Well, more like SUERNATURAL fiction) APPLIED TO DUMB STUFF #2: In the “Picture Of Dorian Gray” by Oscar Wilde; Gray agreed to everlasting life in exchange for his soul being captured in a portrait that reflected his age and his vice. Upon stabbing the portrait in rage; he died of a stab wound.
If he lived today; and that same agreement was made with an unedited/altered “selfie” on a cellphone: if he altered it with any sort of Instagram, Photoshop, or cropping tool or filter AFTER making…..would he still be subject to bodily harm? #IntelligentDiscussionPlease #UseYourMind
SCIENCE FICTION APPLIED TO DUMB STUFF #1:
our test subject has a wife, a side chick, and a side-side chick, none of them knowing of each other but each of them having the idea planted of being “the one”: has the test subject reached Inception?
#MINDBLOWN #ThisWillBeOnTheTest #UnintelligentIntelligentAnswersPlease
Don’t let the smile or the style fool ya….that’s how I get next to ya. That laugh turns to a loss real quick. Trust ;)
After some time to think on some things:
-There comes a time where you listen and execute. There also comes a time where the idea you’re told to execute is too small or underdeveloped for your bigger picture. Always trust your bigger picture. Even if it leads to ruin. At least you were doing it your way.
-You don’t get moments back. No rainchecks or redos. So a ruined one is just that; ruined. No go-backsies. Don’t ever forget that; especially when someone else’s moment can be ruined by your lack of care.
-Consider the source, motivation, delivery, and track record of everything and everyone before you buy in.
-“A wise man told me don’t argue with fools. Cause people from a distance can’t tell who is who.” - Jay-Z
-No one can tell you how to do you better than you.
-If only the bad things in life make sense to someone, unless they make the change on their own for good things or you want bad things with them, you should probably know your distance.
-Learn to be in your own corner. You’re a fool when it’s just an idea, a genius when it’s working, and damned whether it’s a success or a failure. Have your own back 100% of the way.
-Don’t let ANYONE step on your vibe. They don’t deserve that kind of power.
Have a powerful day.
What a difference a year makes. We’ll always have the trunk, Trina ;)
"Every person who chooses the service of God as his life’s work has something in common. I don’t care if you’re a preacher, a priest, a nun, a rabbi, or a Buddhist monk. Many, many times during your life, you will look at your reflection in the mirror, and ask yourself: Am I a fool?"
Harvey Keitel as Jacob Fuller; Dusk Til Dawn
It just came to me.
I was Jacob Fuller.
I’ve been trying to find a way to type it out for some time after it hit me; just now getting around to it.
I left the quote at the top with hope that you’d read it carefully before jumping ahead. So if ya skipped ahead, guess you’re gonna have to do a rewind with your impatient self! I can wait!
-The part where you reread the quote. If you have already, please continue ahead and GOOD JOB.-
Now for those who read my blog posts, I write as I get a feeling. When there’s feeling behind what you write, it makes for something worth reading every time. I just wish the inspiration for this feeling was a more positive one.
From the period of June 23rd to July 1st, I hated professional wrestling.
I mean HATED it.
The traveling. The scrutiny. The pain. The path my career was at. If it had to do with 3 ropes, 4 posts, and tights; I hated it. To be fair, I had been having thoughts days prior to the 23rd about what I was possibly missing in life. I have love for stage acting, DJing, and writing among other things; interests that find themselves shelved between this thing known as how-you-say “responsibility”.
It’s already documented and understood when you wrestle, it’s an all-consuming lifestyle. Symbiotic. At best; a boost of 1UP mushroom proportions. At worst; a destructive itch that never gets scratched; the burden a used-up junkie carries.
The best example to me would be a marriage. Heated and strong when the vows are exchanged, but without proper care and constant maintenance; a loveless and unfulfilling connection between two parties. I have faith that any wrestler worth their salt has felt like this. Naturally, one question gets asked in between all the frustration.
"How do I get that good feeling back?"
Hard to say. The “cure” is as different for all of us. I just know I needed something. The pressure to perform and not “delivering” yet at Beyond Wrestling in Fete Music (which is the definition of “go hard or go home” if there ever was one) and losing myself at a recent ATL Sleeper Cell taping really got the best of me. I let mole hills become landmines and ruin the experience. I stopped having fun and it showed. Blatantly showed. It wasn’t even about the match I was having with Raphael King (great talent, expect big things from him and his perm) anymore. The cocktail of self-doubt and frustration finally spilled over and I wasn’t even me anymore. Even with apologies given and match discussed with King, something felt off. Then it hit me.
I was one of those bitter souls that put on tights, but was in a loveless union to the ring.
A lot of thoughts raced through my mind on the way home that night. I could quit. I could take an extended break. I could blame this feeling on everything and everyone. I could harbor it, but that would solve nothing.
It’s a helpless feeling having no idea what to do next with something you’ve invested in so long.
Then I remembered.
I still have a Sleeper Cell in Tennessee.
My first thought was to cancel. Don’t show up. You’re just going to fall apart again.
Call it stubbon. Call it professionalism. Call it loyalty to the brand. Call it a moment of self-discovery. No matter how ya define it; at 11:30am, I was in McMinnville, TN gearing up.
No, it’s not a terribly funded male revue show. This is the youth, future, present, and hungry of the Tennessee/Midwest independent wrestling scene. If you’re not aware of the Sleeper Cell concept of Beyond Wrestling (http://www.lookmanofans,com; buy a ticket to Americanarana btw, we’re trying to sell that thang out. #SELLOUTFETE) it’s a closed taping card of matches with no restrictions for the talent. Experienced, novice, technical, flashy, whatever. Do what you do. These are then taped and released on the internet for hopefully more to discover and bigger things for the talent involved.
There’s a lot to discover from last Sunday’s taping.
And throughout that, I discovered myself again.
I want the best from this bunch. From physical specimens like Shane Mercer, to books you definitely can’t judge by the cover like The Hooligans, to a plucky unknown like Ben Powers, and so on and so forth. There was a heart and a passion in the building that night. I could have swore the mat had a heartbeat at least more than once. Their collective joy in doing what they loved despite stature, what the future holds, or what they couldn’t control was all I needed to feel good again.
Most of all; I had been feeling like I needed to become what fans and promoters “expect” of a indy star these days. I know I’m not the only one seeing it. I fear for the guys trying to take that next step and feeling that copycatism (not a word, but SHOULD be) will be rewarded. There’s just no fruit in it unless rotten counts. The culture of fearing to fail, fearing to experiment, fearing originality, and fearing your own success needs a bullet to the head. All it’s helped promote is a culture of wrestlers failing to break through because they want to breakthrough using the escape plan someone else did; not their own.
So how does this round back to Tennessee? Because they performed like their wasn’t an expectation of what “a good match” was. They just did. All with their own separate interpretations, unique styles, and ideas. They were brave enough to step outside expectations and the personal satisfaction for many of them was obvious. It was a silent nod that it’s okay what I’m not.
The world doesn’t need more Elgin’s, Gargano’s, ACH’s, Page’s, Kingston’s, Busick’s, Gulak’s, Dickinson’s, Konley’s, or any other indy darling you can think of. We were blessed enough to be granted with talents that unique once over. Blaze a path for yourself and be rewarded with the fulfillment it brings. It’s a lot harder to play at being what you think they want vs defining the role for yourself.
So with this blog I can openly say that too many times where it counted; I regret that I became someone else when who I am would have been more than enough. That falls on me and no one else.
But every step I take forward; it’s my own. I don’t want to walk the footprints in shoes I can’t fill. I’d rather leave my own.
Do I still love wrestling?
I’d say she and I are giving it another go around. We still have a lot more to do. As for those out there with that lack in faith for this: what will you do to get it back?
It’s out there if you’re looking. More often than not, it’s right in the mirror.
Come see me….
July 25th: RESISTANCE PRO “Mob Rules”; http://www.resistancepro.com
July 26th: Strong Style Wrestling “Crazy From The Heat”
July 27th: Beyond Wrestling “Americanrana ‘14”; http://www.lookmanofans.com